Prana Journal
Sunday, September 26, 2004
  55 and counting
Five days ago, I turned 55 years old. It's kind of a milestone -- in 10 years I will be forced into retirement at my workplace. But I see myself as being in the most productive stage of my life. My childhood was sheltered. My youth was the normal anguished torture of most teenagers. My twenties and thirties were filled with the rewards of love and family, but professionally I was winging it and riding on the edge of burnout. When I turned 40, I told myself that the best was yet to come because I had gotten through the learning phase and ego trips and reached maturity. Little did I know that would go through 10 years of frustration and rootlessness as I swung between the States and Peru, job to job, trying to find a sustainable career.

My point being, in the past nine months, I have finally chanced across the personal tools -- yoga, pranayama, meditation and self-inquiry, combined with the expansive horizons of the Internet -- that allow me to steer my life and emotions. I wish I had these practices when I was a teenager or a young adventurer going off to South America to experience life or an adult husband and father who did not comprehend why he had to harbor a core of unhappiness.

I am not saying that I have suddenly become brilliant or more accomplished -- I've just found the means to live within myself while still stretch my boundaries.

 
Comments:
Try tai chi too. It's impossible to those who are balance-challenged, but serene if you can manage the stance. :o)
 
I am aimlessly wandering through life, have given up one career, in hopes of finding happiness with a different career. I can do a sun salutation or two, meditate with my eyes in a soft gaze, and currently do so on a regular basis. I figure I could grow my hair to my butt and braid it in those wee braids. I will wear tee-vas, all year long if need be in my search for spirituality...just tell me, what do you now know at 55 that I don't know at 3o something? What will end the "frustration" years? And if you say yoga, think again....maybe it is just time.
 
Dear "Getting Wiser," I say yoga has helped me because I have a chronic medical condition for which yoga has allowed me to manage my symptoms. I was being a bit vague on purpose because I did not want to enter into details. Obviously, yoga and etc. have worked with me, but there are no guarantees for anyone else or even myself long term. There are times in any life when outside events can cause upheaval.

Remember, I said tools, not solutions. And, yes, 20 more years does give more perspective and patience.
 
Why is it that one has to spend years becoming a product of the Western fast paced world, before one realizes that evolution is not advanced technology, but advanced perception? OK, let it be known I love my palm os, my computer, my cell phone etc. I also know that these things won't sustain me; they will not be the things I remember, will not be the names I whisper in my last breath.

Wait, this is your journal, not mine. I commend you in seeing and living what you have, even at 55. Your prior years brought you to this, and it must have been one incredible journey.
 
Dear PoeticMermaid, I long ago gave up thinking that the latest upgrade of Microsoft Office or a new laptop would make me a more efficient worker or a happier human being. Right now I am concentrating on restoring a balance between my body, mind and spirit. I'm not even trying to push that kind of goal because it will all come together on its own. In the meantime, little achievements, like restoring flexibility to my ankles and feet, keep me entertained and focused.
 
Hi Michael,

Didn't mean to imply that you weren't balanced. Sounds like you strive for it, as we all do. I have yet to meet someone who is as calm as a lake on a windless day, and also has their deeper waters tranquil simultaneously. I guess the deeper self is not always known to the outside world. That's why I am totally impressed with someone who can give a personal story in public - shameless, truthful, and fearless, without worrying about the consequences.

Peace,
Kaveri
 
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"The eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me; my eye and God's eye are one eye. One seeing, one knowing, one love."
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