I've had a couple of class sessions this week in which I've been testing some of my understanding about my edge. I've prided myself recently in considering myself a Level-II practitioner, but to be perfectly honest there are parts of my practice that are Level I and others that are even less, as I've mentioned here before. I can "double-dip" (do a full push-up during my Sun Salutation vinyasa) and keep one-leg up in my Chaturanga Dandasana and think I'm going great. But at the same time, my balance poses have barely progressed since I started yoga. Some of these obstacles in my practice are deeply rooted in my musculature. My arm "strength" may actually hide a deeper problem in my shoulders' flexibility.
Because of this uneven quality, I've have a hard time focusing on my edge because it shifts constantly as I move through different poses. By nature, an edge is dynamic and fluid any ways so I am doubly challenged. I can be breezing along and then hit a rough patch, like riding a bike and suddenly hitting deep mud on the path). In some cases, I am actually fighting against my own muscles. I want to power my way through through the resistance. No wonder I expend a lot of energy and end up being really tired. "Ease and grace" would not describe my practice when I am trapped in this kind of negative flow.
As I've stated before, I sense that I have to slow myself down to avoid overrunning my edge, focus inwardly to center my awareness on what is happening now, and be really faithful to the pacing of my breath. It means practicing truthfulness fearlessly, rather than operating under false assumptions about what my yoga and my life should be like.
I did a Flow II class with Angela Cerkevich at Flow Yoga. I tried to slow down intentionally and focus inwardly on what was happening inside me. It was disconcerting because I found myself frequently out of sync with the class. I lost track of my breathing and even time itself because the class seemed to flash by quickly.
Wednesday evening, I took in a vinyasa flow all-levels class with Lisa Johnson at Thrive Yoga. She was video recording the class as part of her requirements for Anusara certification so she was zeroing in on good, solid form in alignment and getting the basics right. It made for a really slowly-paced class, which was what I wanted anyways. I think I did a good job of matching my breath with the class and did not get ahead of my breath. One thing that Lisa mentioned really struck a nerve with me: fear cause psoas muscles to tighten (shorten) up; a good way to counterbalance is to hollow the lower abdomen to allow more room for the psoas to lengthen above the hips.
I took a two-hour workshop at Thrive Yoga today with Susan Bowen: "Are You Edgy?" Good question in more than one way. The premise was that any practitioner needs to find how deeply she can move physically, mentally spiritually into the flow. The "Edge" has become an almost mystical state of hatha yoga in which awareness, breath and body seems to meld into nirvana.
As I mentioned a few days ago, I tend to be utilitarian about my practice. I want to become stronger and more flexible physically, and move with grace and ease through my vinyasa. I wield my practice as a "cure" for my depression. I point towards self-realization of my full potential as a creative force. So my practice is always "out there," probing the boundaries.
So I need to find the balance between the soaring for achievement and the grounding of self-acceptance and peace. Where is the line on my mat between those two dimensions.
We were about a dozen students. These were not necessarily the most accomplished yogis at the studio. Most were mature adults who were coming to terms with the physical demands of yoga, the limits of their bodies and the aspiration to maximize the benefits of the practice. Susan led an initial discussion to find out how we perceive the "edge" and how we thought we could get there. Then we did 20 minutes of intense pranayama, which was very useful in taking me out of the normal frame of reference for practice. We then did a vinyasa practice that emphasized holding the asanas for a long, long time — downward facing dog held until my biceps, tricepts and hamstrings quiver. Sun salutations as a slow progression of endurance. We then did some long restorative poses. Finally, we ended with meditation.
Did I find my edge? I noticed that I have a tendency to overrun my edge. My breathing rhythm becomes accelerated and I just try to push through the need for more air in my lungs. I don't pull back or drop into child's pose to regain my breath. I frequently ascribed this breathing pace to my condition as a guy in his late 50s who is carrying 10-20 pounds more than his ideal and has not been doing enough cardio and aerobic exercising. But now I think it's more complicated than the mere physically. I am not paying attention to my edge.
I also noticed that my practice is uneven — my chatarunga is strong, but ask me to balance on one leg and I fall over. Because there is so much divergence in my practice, it is easy to lose track. Not only to I tend to get into a hyper mode, but when I go through a less than optimal segment of my practice, I start to think I have to catch up.
I have always been amazed at yogis (and yoginis like Ana Forrest) who can accomplish amazing feats of balance and strength even though they do not appear to be overpowering in strength. This morning I chanced across a YouTube video of an example. I had seen Mark Giubarelli's website years ago when he just had flip cards of poses. Big difference now.
I am running into more and more videos of yoga online, from highly polished productions to the equivalent of a webcam pointing to the back of a room. Just put Ashtanga into a YouTube search, and it brings up scores of video on which you can waste your time instead of practicing yoga. Then again, when you're trying to crack the secret of getting into handstand from crow, it's great to have a video demonstration because it so immediate, direct and palpable. It would take hours of reading instructions to understand it. On the other hand, the written word is great for revealing things that are not evident to the eye -- where should your drishtri be focused.
Labels: edge, inspire, yoga_resource
